Coping and surviving are the same thing to me. I'm always at one end of the spectrum. Living it up, laughing, having the time of my life or MEH, just hanging in there. I'm determined to find a healthy balance where my way of life is to just have the time of my life, like 95% of the time. Otherwise what is the point?
Daily life and the bigger, larger, more difficult or humbling events in life can be a struggle for even the toughest person. Sometimes people wish they had more. More time, more money, more friends, more children, more work, more leisure, more holidays. More sleep. More justice. More answers. Sometimes some people want less. Less hassle, {everyone} always wants less drama, less bills to pay. We all want less heart ache. Less death and destruction. Less crime on the street. Less crime behind closed doors. Less chatter. Less work. Less fighting.
Finding ways to cope and exploring options seems to be what my life is all about these days. I need to find ways to fall asleep, to exercise more, to have less travel time to and from work. I need to cope with raging emotions and floods of tears at the most inconvenient of times.
I need to cope with people who at times know less about common decency and common sense than anyone I've encountered. I need to cope with ratty tired children, when I'm the one who should be laying down for an afternoon nap.
I have learnt over the years to cope with ill health, with which I seem to experience a lot of. My immune system was weakened as a child on an abundance of powerful medications and now I pay the price. A bad night's sleep could mean three days of aching pain, fevers, migraines and general misery.
I think about ways to cope with loss and difficult or awkward moments in my life and how I will move forward. I break everything down into very tiny parts and work on each part until I get my head around it.
When I was fearful about having a C-Section with my second child, I put it down to the fear of not knowing and the fear of not being in control. So I researched and planned and I controlled the small parts that I was able to and let the rest be. I survived and it was a perfect birth experience. I couldn't have asked for better, in fact.
I prepared for the loss of my father in a very graphic way. I pictured how he might pass away, the surroundings, his face and his body, the emotions I'd feel, the hurt I'd feel and the pain in which I'd watch my mother lose the love of her life. It was so graphic it kept me up at night. You may think it's unusual to be thinking about all this but I've always thought ahead and thought of the worst and most of the time, it's kept me sane.
So when Dad finally did pass away, it was a horrifying time but not as horrifying as what it would've been had I not have prepared myself. It worked and I'm so glad that I dealt with what was happening as it was happening, rather than hide away from the reality.
When I have to cope with awkward situations, I get very tense. I replay a lot of what I think will happen in my head, a variety of scenarios. It might seem unnecessary to many people who are reading this but if it works, I say stick with it.
I talk a lot when I'm anxious, in the hope that I make a funny joke to lighten the load or break the ice. Humour is a coping mechanism I rely on. I make jokes when I hurt myself. I make jokes when I'm trying not to cry. My sister and I made jokes through the planning of our mother's funeral service, I guess because that's the only way we knew how to get by at the time.
Coping mechanisms can be gut reactions to what you are seeing, feeling and thinking. These mechanisms defend your body and mind against the onslaught of physical and mental anguish. I'm glad I've never been one to really bottle up feelings, I like talking and talking helps me. That is one way in which I try to cope.
Surviving to me means just getting by each day. Not really enjoying what's going on, just clinging by the skin of your teeth to your life. Or life is taking you for a ride rather than you controlling where you go in life. Coping is a temporary form of surviving.
We need to cope to get past hurt, pain and torment. We need to cope to help others cope, to lead by example. We need to cope to feel better. We need to cope mostly because we don't get a choice or rather, don't like the alternative.
The alternative to not coping is being acopic. Increased stress, increased tension, and mental strain are not things I want more of in my life. No gains can be made if you can't focus on what you need to do and who you need to be. If I can just cope through some minor rough moments, I'm usually okay. I like the sense of achievement I get when I get through a bad day. It's a small win.
If you link up all the small wins, you can be proud of something really quite huge in your life. If you don't give up, you will get there and you will be happy.
It's not all about believing, even though self-belief is a major part of coping with difficult times and people. It's about stamina, attainable goals and being proud of who you are and what you've achieved at the end of the day.
Small steps. One step at a time. I focus on one star in the sky rather than the universe as a whole. Each small step will get you to a better place. Some days, it's okay to just feel off. It's okay to have bad days. What is not okay is to let the bad days keep rolling for so long that you can no longer see the light. And to relish in bad days is not okay. We don't need to play victim to our emotions, we can take control, even if for a short while.
Be kind to yourself and be patient. Trust your instincts and listen to your inner voice. Remember every valuable piece of information you've been given and use it. It might not have meant much to you back then but it could be your saving grace. In the end, you can only love yourself and pray that others love you for who you are and for who you want to be.
Take a deep breath. Go for a walk in the fresh air. Call a friend. Draw a picture. Colour in. Write a letter. Play a game. Exercise. Have a slice of cake. Ask for help. Don't ever be afraid to deal with situations a piece at a time. There is no harm in asking for help. There is no gain from feeling overwhelmed.
Remember that bad moments pass and that you're never given any challenge that you can't face. Don't let your feelings build up to a point where you just might explode. Just take a second and regroup. Talk, write, have a cry or take a nap. Let a few quiet moments pass and things will look brighter.Think about what makes you happy and don't avoid the pain or the awkward situations. Everything works together to make you a stronger version of yourself.
You don't have to listen when people say "there is always someone worse off than yourself". When you are hurting or grieving for something or someone you have lost, you are thinking of yourself and rightfully so. Pain is subjective and you can't really feel it for someone else. You can only support other people in their difficult times and request the same support in return.
Take every small win and move forward. There's much to be gained from looking at what you can do and have done rather than what you can't.
L
xo
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