So tonight I've been colouring in, illustrating and writing down some ideas for my children's book. I come home from work every day looking forward to drawing.
I don't want to publish a book to say I published a book. I want to publish a book solely for my kids. I want them to have something they can hold onto long after I'm gone.
Memories, in particular visual {like instant video recall in your brain!} and auditory ones can turn fuzzy over time. I want to leave my children with something that they can touch and see. I believe in the preservation of memories and moments.
A lot of parents get caught up in taking pictures of their kids and of events they all attend. Birthdays, Christmas, that first lost tooth, school plays, sports days, holidays. I want to be 1000% present during these moments. BUT I want to remember every fine detail long after they have come and gone. So that is what I use some of my spare time for.
I keep a Project Life Journal, which I have dedicated to my children. Every day, if not every second day, I take an hour to wind down and think about what we've all done and what we've enjoyed. I write about the fun times and I write about when the day got a bit rough.
I keep scrapbooks and baby albums for both my children. I don't know what initially drew me to the idea of journalling and scrapbooking but I like the idea of combining art, craft, writing and keeping a diary. It is quite relaxing and it's nice to be able to look through our weeks together.
I don't want to focus on morbid thoughts because they are not a big part of my mind, but I think about what I want to leave with my children as I grow older.
I want my children to feel, no matter how old they are, that they are loved and cherished just as much as the day I first held them in my arms. I want my children to be independent and healthy and be able to look back on our lives together and feel proud and happy.
I want my children to be proud of me, I want them to know who I am and to understand the journey that has been my life. I want my kids to feel that warmth I feel when I remember my parents. My kids are so young right now, I just can't imagine them grown up {which is wonderful because I cherish every second they are so innocent, dependent and small!}
When people are gone, memories are all you have. So I want ours to be the greatest.
I've taken hundreds of pictures of my kids, well maybe a few thousand. Photos are a big part of my life. They take me back to the exact "cheese" moment. There is no greater feeling than being able to be a part of your children's growth and look back in times when you feel sad about how quickly time moves us on.
There is nothing to be sad about, I really just wish we could all stay together forever.
I want with my children what I felt I had with my Mum. If we come anywhere close to that, I have fulfilled my most desired dream.
I may not be a perfect Mum. In fact, sometimes I lack confidence, I get impatient, I lack energy to play all the time, and sometimes I really just want a little peace and quiet. But I try. And losing my Mum has given me more passion, motivation and strength in everything I do, especially parenting.
Being perfect would be boring and we'd have no goals to strive to achieve. So with here I am with all my quirks, enjoying every moment I'm breathing. I really am. When you break it down, that's exactly what I'm doing.
I've seen life come and go and I want to stay for as long as I can. I owe it to my children to improve my health, my mind and never ever forget that they are the first and last thoughts that enter my mind every day.
I don't ever want to leave this piece of Heaven I'm in.
L
XO
No comments:
Post a Comment