The greatest single piece of spoken advice I received from my Dad was this: "Until you feel so low, so unimaginably distressed, do not assess and compare the magnitude of the problems of others". It's a very fair statement. No judgement, just compassion and understanding.
So I ask this of you as I post the following images. I saw some very mentally confronting images of actor John Schneider as he grasps the heartbreaking fact that his dad had passed away. His face is immediately worn and tired. This is what grief does to you. I know this feeling. It's effect is instant, although some may not recognize it on the faces of others. We all grieve differently. This is how I'm grieving.
{this photo represents the fact that I find it easier to hide behind objects and look at life through a lens sometimes}
{this is a piece of my family's history. i love photography and at this point in my life, photos mean everything to me}
{the gorgeous lace dress my daughter will wear at her birthday party is a reminder that i'm getting older, just like everyone else. and i'm scared sometimes that my time to leave will be sooner than it should be. i don't want to leave my family. in contrast, the joy of seeing your baby turn into a little girl is one of the greatest feelings. grief can muddle the good times, it doesn't just hide when you have company. grief is confusing and takes you by surprise}
{my five year old son took this image of me tonight. i thought i was alone. in the quiet moments, i stop and try to make the world stop for a minute so i can focus on getting through the next minutes. yes, sometimes it comes down to minutes for me. closing my eyes allows me to open up, fresh, taking another breath in a new moment. i also see my parents when i close my eyes. they aren't often closed for long, remembering the past, despite its rich goodness, is difficult right now}
{i hold onto people, places, objects and feelings. i have a good memory. during the tougher days, i remind myself that it's okay to hold on. this picture signifies the fact that i hold on to the good in people. i'm holding a locket given to me by my sister to wear at our Mum's funeral and the ring I gave Mum, one of my bridal rings. she had this ring on when she passed away. i won't ever wear it again. it symbolizes me holding on to the things i love and i want it to serve as a reminder that people cannot be replaced by objects}
{i see this the moment i open my eyes each morning. love is all we need and we need to give love and feel loved when we grieve}
{this tiny 6 inch bike represents the passion that flowed from my Dad. he found something he loved and the love of riding never left him. being in a state of bereavement to me signifies a need to experience as much as you can and cherish the adventures life takes you on}
{the candle sat on the altar during my wedding. i can't part with it because my Mum loved the quote I engraved on it. the people you keep close to your heart are the most important. grief allows you to express how much you love these people. or how much harder it is to live without someone who understood you}
{grief is much like a child's drawings. sometimes, you can't figure out what lays in front of you and confusion leads you down strange paths. sometimes, what you see is clear and just having a bit of clarity makes you happy. it is when you accept that some things in life won't be simple that you make great gains. grief is not simple, so now i can work on it}
{i looked to a gloomy sky tonight for answers. i got nothin'. sometimes it's best to look closer to home. my answer was "just breathe"}
{i'm not mocking women with facial hair. and i love mustaches. this picture taken by my five year old son as we made his toddler sister giggle her way into baby hysteria. looking at this reminds me that little things, insignificant things, are quite funny to me and laughter is crucial to my existence. a fake mustache made my daughter's day and put a slight smile on my dial}
{these are eyes that cry. quite a lot. and my unkempt eyebrows are testament to my crazy need to keep busy with work and writing. and therefore, not with eyebrow maintenance. i see things differently to you. don't forget that}
{a beautiful reminder that time is fleeting and all good things must come to an end. and to stop and smell the roses. life, even at its murkiest depths, is incredibly magnificent. so magnificent that we only get one shot at it. in saying this, i acknowledge that it is okay to grieve, but i can't let it control me. there is too much good in the world to take in. so go with the flow, feel how i feel and move forward. baby steps are fine}
{if only these two precious souls knew how much life has changed without them. if only they knew how much of an impact that had on my life. their smiles are real. their love was real. no matter how much i write or what i say, i can't explain how intense my feelings about EVERYTHING have become since they passed}
when you grieve, you have lost someone but it is in that fog that you have the chance to find yourself.
when you are grieving, you need to give yourself up to the notion that feelings and thoughts will come that will overwhelm you, often to the point of tears.
when you are grieving, you need to accept that life is a little bit different for you and you need to go easy on yourself.
when you are grieving, you need to accept that there may be no end point in sight. but that is by no means a chance to give up. pushing through makes the pain easier to bear.
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