I picked Mum up today. Headed to the Crematorium once I'd dropped my son off at kinder and bundled his sister into the car.
Put my music up as loud as the 10 month old goblin could take it and sang the whole way. Tried to keep breathing. In and out, in and out!
Arrived at the Creamtorium Office. Tried to find a seat as there were two people in front of me being served.
The first was a lady. Mid-sixties, enquiring about a plaque for her recently deceased mother. They (the Cemetery people) had screwed up her mother's name, DOB and husband's name on the plaque. Couldn't help but listen, she was furious and visibly upset. Receptionist wasn't too phased by the long list of errors in the lady's situation. Lots of eye rolling and pretending to care. And even more pretending to listen and not yawn.
10 month old Goblin bouncing away on my knee was a pretty good distraction. Sitting in a waiting area full of people who have just lost someone. Lots of pain floating around, yet everyone still had a smile for each eye they came to meet.
The second "customer" was a gentleman, I can't tell if he was in his 60's or somewhere between 70 and 130. He was tall, unshaven, skeletal. He was unkempt and rugged up as if we were living in a Scandanavian Climate.
"I'm enquiring about a burial plot for myself".
Gulping down air as fast as I could, trying not to burst into tears. Huh?
"Would you like a chapel service to go with that?" almost sounded like a customer service officer at McDonalds.
"Would you like fries with that?" I thought I heard.
"No, just a plot. I'd like to pay for it as soon as possible".
He handed over a wad of cash and turned around to leave the building.
A nasal cannula was delivering high flow oxygen into his lungs. His eyes were yellow. His cheeks were so sunken I was sure they would meet on the inside of his mouth. His skin was jaundiced. He rolled an oxygen cylinder on a trolley as he walked.
He stopped at my daughter and bent down slightly.
"Hello Beautiful, you are just so precious arent you? May I touch her hands?"
"Of course" I said.
She beamed with all her might at him. She started giggling, holding his hands and he kept smiling directly at her. He brushed the hair off her face and out of her blue eyes.
"Bless you darling. You look after your Mummy, tiny one".
With that, he walked out to his car and slowly drove away.
I was so touched that he was caught by my daughter's smile and stopped to talk to her. A man, coming to a Crematorium alone, to plan his own burial.
Receptionist sitting there shaking her head and making that tisk tisk sound
"So sad when people don't have any family".
It was my turn next.
"He's dying of cancer" the receptionist said as I stood at the counter, as if she were talking about what was next on telly, so nonchalant.
"Clearly. What a beautiful strong man" I said.
"Does he have any family or friends?"
"No, none at all", she said.
So what came out of my mouth next may have stunned and surprised the Receptionist.
"Can you please let me know when his burial will be, I'd like to be there for him"
And with that, I exchanged my number. Simple.
I will be attending the burial of a man I do not know. And I don't know when it will be.
But I couldn't let him be laid to rest alone so I'll be there.
Holding back tears, I briskly arrived at the next step- picking up my mum. I was prepared for this moment.
"Follow me please", the Receptionist gestured.
Carrying a bag and the wriggly Goblin, I entered what I called the "sobbing room". I could feel the tears of hundreds of people seeping through the walls as I thought of them sitting where I sat, finally receiving the remains of their precious loved ones.
I was prepared this time. I had visited Mum in this building before, when I needed to have a chat with her. I felt bad leaving her there with strangers that day but this time, I was bringing her safely home.
"I'll be back in a minute", the Receptionist said as she left me in the Sobbing Room.
The Goblin decided to ease the tension by clapping her hands and shouting NAN NAN NAN NANNNNNNNNN. (The first sign Mum was around).
Creeeeeeeeaaaaak. The door opens and the Receptionist presents Mum to me with a form to sign.
I "signed her out", thank the Receptionist, bundle the Goblin and my bag into each arm and quietly leave the Crematorium clutching the box tightly. My knuckles were going grey.
Two black crows and two baby crows sitting on the roof of my car.
"SHOOOOO!" I yelled. Nope, they were not moving. I couldn't get them to move. I threw a piece of scrunched up paper at them and they still stayed. I gave up. They weren't even flinching.
After strapping the Goblin into her seat, I sat in the driver's seat and held onto the box.
Mum, you're free. You're home and I won't leave you. I rubbed the label that showed her details. I kissed my fingertips and put them to her name.
She's free. She never liked that place. It was the final resting place for her mum and dad, it was in the same chapel that we've had the funeral services for my own dad, her brother and then Mum's.
It's a place of tremendously deep sadness for thousands of families across Melbourne. It's a final resting place, a place where families go to speak to their lost loved ones. It's a place full of heartbreak but freedom for those who are no longer suffering. It's a place bound by love, respect and honour.
And at the point I switched back to the present, let out a deep sigh, the four Crows flew away from my car (Second sign from Mum). I was free to go.
It's a place I don't want to go to anytime soon. For years and years in fact.
Having now collected her and my Dad, I'm over having to face death. This year has also brought new life into mine, the new Goblin has helped me survive through all this.
I've been working on improving myself- my outlook, my attitude, my physical self and my goals in life.
And having faced this today, means all the stuff that I thought would be difficult to achieve (see previous sentence) will now be a piece of cake.
I want happiness from now on. And I deserve it. I never believed that but now I do. As one of the people left behind, all I can do is be happy, healthy and enjoy my time with my family and friends.
I switched on the engine, placed the box safely on the front seat and drove home. Straight to a kinder excursion with my eldest Goblin.
I can breathe easy.
Mum, your girls have got you, you're home.
